The Ether

penned 2021

ephemeral thing better left unsaid 

briefly i was haunted by adulation, memorizing every reverberation of his nervous chuckle.

if only he could be soothed by the knowledge that i was a bundle of fickle nerves

heart constricted and constrained, balancing on thin tightrope as his eyes glittered with the knowledge that he’d incapacitated my nervous system.

so now i was utterly, irrevocably useless.

if only he was the type who gazed at lone stars and wondered if they felt despondency as fervently as the moon longed for the sun

and when he felt short of breath he’d find seeking desolate obscurities far more entrancing than mere drops of sunlight on awaiting palms.

if only he grasped at exotic runes while chased by the unforgiving palpitations of life’s clock and rode gifts of Poseidon to practice calm, cool, collected necromancy.

if only our hands, taut with remembrance, unclenched to greet each other with feigned adoration as brown blended with beige.

if only he bequeathed my golden arrival after years of staunch silence with chapati and samosas because it connected our cultures.

briefly i was haunted by adulation

a gossamer love so fleeting 

it escaped my own realization.

penned 2024

the return of The Dream Bearer

Post adulation, 

grief stricken for the loss of self she’d enabled,

girl humbly vows to love her soul like an idea.

Her soul that covets calamity while caressing contention:

Grand and stately, broad and lush, vicarious and diluted.

Her soul that waters Weeping Willows while 

Crafted in a rich brew of dilapidated Eldoret kernels and sour Kalenjin Mursik. 

Nurtured by Georgian dogwoods and Maryland maples who grazed Brooks-laden US Women’s size 8 feet. 

Boiled gracefully in a leaky cauldron of red hot Southern charm. 

Scorched woefully by the guise of love in its rawest, simplest, primary form. 

Soothed by post generational ecstasy, a vision of wealth becoming one of talent, uninhibited and thoroughly pursued.

She discovers during that summer, 

in body and soul, 

fingers twisted towards God,

gripping dream droplets,

not a moment too soon 

nor too soon a moment, 

that girl,

interrupted, 

is The Dream Bearer.